Hmmm....Forgot About this.

Seems that I forgot all about this oh well no one important reads it. I guess its been almost 2 years since I was last on here. I cant say I missed it much. Lots has happened since then and I dont know why I havent blogged about it. Im really excited about this summer though I graduate on June 12th and then I am free from all this high school drama. Im excited because the week after graduation I get to go camping for three days and get away from my grandparents. It will be nice because not only have I not gone where we are going but I also get to really check in with important people in m life face to face instead of just over the internet. It seems like this year has been a really emotional and crazy. It has shown me that I dont deal well with pressure and stress and tend not to think very rationally especially when Im emotional. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and 7 months recently because I didnt want what he wanted and to tell you the truth Im alot happier that we arent together it feels like Im free. I gues I just want the year to be over so that I can just relax and just stop dealling with friends who really dont want to listen to me or hear what I have to say.
Going to College is something that I am very excited but scared for. I have heard so many horror stories from friends but also good things. My biggest thing Is I am scared that I wont make friends and that I am going to become horribly homesick and miss my nephew who for the past five years has seriously become my life and soul force and has been one of the things that has kept me going. Its going to be so hard to say goodbye to him for 3 months till christmas because I love him so much.
Though this year was fun and liberating it also had downsides, like 3 people I was close to dieing, my sister being diagnosed with congestive heart failure and the birth of her new baby who I have yet to meet and still fear I wont ever get to meet. realized this year also that my father is a huge jerk. I realized that he really doesnt love me because if he did he wouldhave at least made the effort to come to my graduation but instead thinks he can make me feel better and get my forgiveness by buying me meaningless gifts which dont matter. He doesnt seem to understand that the only thing I want and really need is for him to be siting in the stands at my graduation watching me graduate and getting ready to take that next step into the unknown world. It is going to hurt so much on graduation day when I walk up to get my diploma and I look in the stands and he isnt going to be there. I still hurt and cry thinking about it. I do know though that all the faces I will see are the most important people in my life. The ones who truely love me and care about how well I do. I couldnt ask for anything more other than my dad being there.
I know my life isnt as hard as lots of other peoples but for me I think about my past 18 years and I realize Ive gone through so many things already that other people havent and maybe thats what makes me the person I am today. Maybe thats my flaw maybe I care and am too giving but maybe not...One day I will find that person who loves me for who I am until then I am just going to be the Happy MacKenzie around friends they know me as.
Well I just blabbered on for a good while,
I'll sign off now and let you deal with what you just read
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO